i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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