pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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