you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
