Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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