my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
