as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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