Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
