she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
