it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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