I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
