the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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