We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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