i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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