Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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