haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
