The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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