ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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