I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize