She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
time to smoke my breakfast
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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