she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
