He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
