Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
