So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
