girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
