I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
