You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
