Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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