i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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