WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
