but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
