Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
