You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
