Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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