o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
