i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
