Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
