ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
