Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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