I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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