Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
