I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
