apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
