I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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