so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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