Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
