I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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