i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
