Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
