halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
