i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
