last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
