she was so not down for the gang bang
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
