I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
