Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
