We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
