I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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