As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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