Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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