I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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