put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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