You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
