There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
