I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
