all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
