I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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