My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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