I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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