I'm drive I can fine osifer
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
