I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
