I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
