How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
