Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
time to smoke my breakfast
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
