He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
