I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She needs sedatives and a leash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
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I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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